Saturday, October 13, 2012

X

1.33am. 

Tucked in bed. Done browsing facebook and twitter timeline. Still feeling insomniac. Rolled on the bed for a few good rounds. Got up. Washed my face. That's it- I can't sleep. 

There's something that I have been keeping, that I really need to let out. Something that I wish I had the guts to spill. Something that I wish I would've done, much earlier. Have you ever felt like you're sitting in the wrong 'ship'? Have you ever felt like, if only time would stop and the world just.. decided to work the way you want it to. If only I don't have to chase after time, time after time. Its getting tiring. I don't think anyone would ever understand whatever hell I'm going through right now - its just plain damn complicated that even I myself can't seem to comprehend. 

Everyday, I go through this feeling of 'regret'. Very subtle yet very hurtful. The people around me, haven't been very nice. Its true when they say friends are not those who stayed the longest, but those who came into your life and never left. Never applicable to me. Everybody came, stopped by and left. It hurts, so bad. The feeling of emptiness and sorrow.. dark yet inevitable. 

I seriously have no idea what I'm trying to put into words here. It just won't flow. What's it like being in love? Thinking of the person 24/7 and you just won't get tired? Knowing the person is on the other end of the line and yet you don't have to guts to say hi? Thinking of the memories that you had with him? Him carrying you to your car? Watching over the beautiful ocean talking about life? Watching him sleep while you take turn to drive on your roadtrip? Sending emails to each other while you're away? Telling him how nervous you are and he'll send you pictures of flowers that he took during his trip? Think the list goes on and on.. But you know what's worse? Seeing the person you love, loving someone else. 'Stab in the heart' is an understatement. 

Knowing that you won't be able to see that person, ever again.. hurts even more. And you'd tell yourself that you would travel half the globe just to see him. That's just plain silly, but you'd do it. Or at least you'd want to. 

Ever felt that way? The one that got away? 

I... I don't know. But one thing I know.. 

;J saudades de voce! 

2 comments:

e74eb5fa-15f2-11e2-9841-000bcdcb2996 said...

Hey. You must've felt really down when composing this post. I just want to let you know, I think you are really beautiful. And not just in that socially "Oh she's a model" kind of beautiful, but also because you're so down to earth, like you're beautiful on the inside and it shines through. I'm sorry if you're in pain. And I wish I was brave enough to tell you I would love to be your friend. That I'm not as pretty as your model friends, but I can be a darn good friend, and I will be there for you. But I'm not. All the best Magdeline. Don't hurt, be brave. Okay I sound like a TOTAL stalker, but I'm not. I just really respect and admire you.

Magdeline Wang said...

Thank you so much for your kind words. Means alot to me :) Don't be shy, pls do say HI if you ever meet me! Have a great week ahead dear xx