If only..

This is one of the many nights where my imaginations run wild and all I want to do is to just clear up my mind and think about absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing; something that will never ever happen to a person like me. Even in my dreams, my imaginations wouldn't spare me. It gets really tiring and you just feel so lethargic and weak, hoping that somebody would actually sit down and say nothing but listen to the words your tongue say. May not make sense, but satisfaction is what you need. In fact, thats what we all need. Satisfaction from words we utter.

Well, I assume people wouldn't actually bother reading whatever rubbish thats written here, right now. Blame my pessimism for that. Because my typical self wouldn't read a long bragged post, really. Unless, that author means something to me which rarely happens simply because my boyfriend doesn't blog, neither does my mom. Perhaps my sister's, which I check-up on once in a blue moon. Yes, I could count em all with just one hand; five fingers. Pathetic? I don't think so.

Well I mean, if loving was so easy.. then it wouldn't mean that much would it?

If there was somebody that I could change, that would be D. I don't know exactly how much this person mean to me, until someday I lose him. The relationship that we carry, is far beyond complex. But if there's something that I could do to change the fact that I face today, I would do it. Regardless of what it takes, as long as I know nobody else would get hurt; I really would. But for now, I leave it to God to carve the path of this man. Be it good or bad, as long as he knows what is right & what is wrong. And someday, when he is gone.. then I will know how much he means to me. But not until then, it shall remain a secrecy.